I’m Not Always Okay, and That’s Okay

I’ve been wanting to write about this topic for a long time, but I could never find the right words to describe it. I know there are many others who go through the same thing, but don’t have a name for it either. It’s like water slowly rising all around you, until your feet are off the ground and you struggle to keep your head above water. Pedaling and treading and paddling for days and days, without anything solid to hold on to. You choke, you swallow water, sputtering and gasping, you get so tired. But you can’t stop moving, because you know that if you do, you’re going to drown.

When things got really, really bad when I had my baby, I decided to read more about what I was going through, and talked to friends who have gone through treatment for mood disorders or mental illness. I stopped short at seeing a professional, mostly because 1) Treatment is freaking expensive and 2) How do you place mental illness/mood disorder in a life that is supposedly anchored on Christ? Continue reading