My Body After Baby

My body will never be the same again.

My hips are wider, my thighs are looser, my triceps are jelly and my belly jiggles. I was never waif thin, but before Elon came along I was a fit pole fitness instructor. And even before that, I tried every sport i could access (yes even basketball, even if i’m only 5 feet tall), so I was always on the firm side of the body spectrum. So when we were planning our first beach trip post-baby, I really thought I would feel so conscious about how different I now look in a bikini. Of course the extra boobage is wonderful, but the extra-everything-else isn’t. 

But when we finally got to the beach and I changed into my bikini, the weirdest thing happened. 

I liked what I saw. 
Yes, my abs are no longer present. Yes, my non-existent thigh gap has gotten even more non-existent. And yes, I forgot to shave my legs (haha). But for some reason, those things didn’t even cross my mind then. All I saw was a body that carried a beautiful baby boy to full term, who came out a healthy 6 pounds 11 ounces, and is creating so much nutrition for him that he gets heavier everyday. He now weighs 15 pounds and is 64 centimetres long. And he continues to grow because I eat well, and so does he! That body in the mirror, this juicy, squishy body I carry around is the reason why. 

And honestly? I have never felt this confident about my body. Not even when I was at my fittest. Not even when I was still teaching and performing and carrying people who weighed more than 100 pounds. Funny how that is.

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2011 Pole Instructor Vs. 2013 Pregnant at 29 weeks!

Because today I look at myself and KNOW that this body is capable of making life, carrying it and sustaining it. It is so strong, so beautiful that way. That doesn’t mean I’m going to stop working towards becoming fit again, of course. It only means I no longer feel the need to compare myself to other bodies, or to women who were blessed enough with lithe frames despite having 4 children! It also helps a great deal when your husband tells you every single day that you’re the sexiest creature in the world 🙂 It might not be true to everyone else, but it’s great to know at least one person (the only person that matters) thinks so! Along with the joy of being a mom are so many new fears, frustrations and hardship. The way we look should be the least of our concerns. 

I hope every mom out there feels wonderful about their body, and I hope they have people around them who make sure they do. Our bodies will never be the same again, and it’s more than okay. It’s how it should be. 

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         Me today, almost 5 months postpartum.

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